Kasumi Karen no Kokoro
by Takako san
Summary: insight into Karen's heart and life before the whole apocalyptic thing. Reviews have helped me to finish this.
1. The first quarter

AN: like i said-its the beginnings of her story.Reviews would be appreciated-itll fuel me on to destruction!...i mean to the end of my story  
  
Disclaimer: i do not own X/1999. The characters are clamp's!  
  
Kasumi Karen's Story Scene 1  
  
The church lies silent and still as the gentle tap tap of heels gradually gets louder, breaking the silence. The tapping pauses at the entrance. Kasumi Karen stands sobre, drinking in the flickering candles, the stained windows of jesus' betrayal and the enormity of the church.  
  
She is dressed in what one would say is more understaed than her usual dress or lack of. Darkly robed she resumed her entrance. At the end of what feels like a never ending aisle she draws her eye up towards the Virgin Mary.

"sigh........"

She lights a candle slowly using another. The flame flickers and goes out.Checking no-one is around she lights the flame herself. She seats herself on the end of a cold hard pew, pulling a much mauled bear out of her bag and seating him also.

"I'm going to pray now Paul-dont go leaving now. You're all i've got. She smiles a dry smile at the realisation she's talking to a bear. She kneels, bowing her head and begins to pray.  
  
"Oh Lord....how can i begin.... Everyday I start here, saying the same things, asking the same things. Yet everyday i end the same way, at the recieving end of a crude stranger attempting to get what he paid for. Getting to know me in a way i dont want him to know.

"Oh Lord....I didnt want this life.I was like any other. I wanted to settle down, have a family, grow old with the man i love. All my dreams centred around him....His soft hair caressing his brow. The twinkle in his eye when my gaze meets his. His gentle character holding respect for women higher than anythingelse..I guessed i ruled out my chances of meeting him by beginning work here. No female respecting man would step foot there.

"Yet here i am again. Please God.....please.........send him to me"

A lone tear courses down her cheek "I didnt want a life like this. I swear.....I'm so sorry.....I'm so sorry" Her body shakes as she sobs. "I hate this. Once i leave this Earth, no-one will notice once im gone. I'll vacate my room and another girl will take my place. I'll die unloved and sent to the burning fires of hell"

Her body shook violently as her cries of apology grew louder and more erratic.She felt an arm around her . Her crying ceased as she looked into the forgiving eyes of the priest. He cradled her chin in his hand saying: "What is the matter child? Why do you grieve so much?"  
  
Karen gripped her cross and shook her head. She grabbed Paul and ran out of the church leaving the priest stunned. As she ran, she failed to notice another woman, crying, covering her face at the back of the church, gasp as Karen ran. Again at the entrance to the church, Karen paused.

...'Could it be? But she died so long ago....but is that not her hair?..her tears?' She turned to look back only to find that the woman had gone.

Flashback

Young Karen has just recieved the news that her mother has died in a car crash.

"Paul?....Paul?!" She says searching for her bear. She sighs in relief as she sees him under that starched white sheet. "Ah, there you are..Paul? What are we going to do? There really will be no one left to shed tears over my grave......its just the two of us now....just the two of us....."

She leans back in her hospital bed and winces at the pain of her cuts and bruises. Alone in the world..total abandonment, Karen fought back hot tears in the cold unyielding hospital clutching the bear which was all she had left of what once was.


	2. The second quarter

AN: I love you all! All my reviewers! yay! heres the next bit  
  
----------------------  
  
The candles in Karen's room flickered as the door opened.  
  
Karen- "Welcome back to Flower, Sato san--"  
  
Mojio-san- "Lets just get straight to it, ok? I have 20 minutes before the wife gets back."  
  
Karen- ...umm... no tea... no talk?----  
  
Mojio san had visited Flower before. He was a foul mouthed business man who would return to Flower after work to "enjoy the companies of emloyees", as he told his wife anyway.  
  
He was a large man. Strong. When Karen first met him, she thought that maybe he could have been the one. He was nervous and uncomfortable of even being there when they first met. He had been forced into coming by his friends. They talked. They had tea. They spent the night talking about eachother's past, present and future. He told her about his turbulent relationship with his wife which he tried to mend. She told him of how she came to flower. They sympathised with eachother. Two lost souls in a world with no-one to lean on. To trust. However as the days rolled by, he returned more often and more drunk. The stench of alcohol would stick to him as flies to a corpse. As his drinking problem grew worse, Karen realised that the Lord Almighty wouldnt do this to her. He could not be the one.  
  
This meeting was like any other. Breathing heavily and reeking of alcohol he advanced on her. Karen backed away from him only to find herself seated on the bed. She turned to look towards what she felt was her Rock.  
  
Paul sat facing towards the wall in the corner.  
  
"Mama" Karen whispered to herself. As Mojio started to fumble with Karen's corset strings, she began to feel his fingers on her back. She grunted with disgust as she felt his mouth on her neck; "Dont worry babe. I'm here"  
  
Karen felt her breath caught in her neck as she remembered him 3 months ago. The man she felt safe with. The one man that had actually ever known her soul rather than her body. She shook her head remembering that he was not the same man. He could never be the same again; A different man.  
  
She felt her anger build up towards him.  
  
Maybe things could have been different if she hadnt arrived at Flower.  
  
Maybe if her mother had stayed, if she had loved her, or if she hadnt abandoned her. Karen felt her resentment build up her chest hot as flames...furiously burning, she felt her flames take shape. At first the tender flames licked at his shoe laces. Slowly the flames grew until the size of a bulldog.  
  
In her desperation, Karen had set fire to his boot and that was not the end of it. She tried to subdue the flames with her mind. The flames subsided a little but she couldnt control them any longer.  
  
Would he notice?  
  
Could he even recognise the danger of being in that room with that woman?  
  
"Ahem......Mojio san....things are heating up a bit..ne?" He answered her with a grunt. "I mean..your boot is on fire" "EH?"  
  
He stood briefly to see that she was correct. Karen saw her window of opportunity and shoved his hefty body away from her. He spun and stood precariously and she pushed him through the door and shut it quickly behind him. Leaning her back against the door she heaved sighs of relief that he was gone. He pounded at her door, yelling for her to open up. She ignored his yells as she slid down the door. She couldnt fight back her tears. Not this time. She hugged her knees. Crying into herself. Silent tears of grief, of betrayal and of Loneliness.  
  
An hour passed as she lay there, curled up on the floor by the door of her room. How can i get out of this? Will i ever be able to? When will he come? Will he ever come?...  
  
--------------------------------------  
  
The next day, again in Flower  
  
Aoki has just left  
  
Her eyes followed him to the door and even after he had left, her eyes lingered at the door.  
  
Why..........why couldnt i have met him sooner.  
  
Would that have even made any difference. His love for his family; His daughter; he would do anything for them.  
  
I could have been that woman. He is just as i imagined him to be Lord.  
  
Everything i wanted him to be.  
  
I guess i was wrong in saying i never meet anyone here. Ha! He wouldnt have been here if it werent for his work...he was so uncomfortable.  
  
smiles to self I cant believe i even said some of those things to him. He was so uncomfortable, uneasy almost.  
  
I felt as though my body was on fire the whole time he was here. However i couldnt let that show on my face. I was as cool as can be.  
  
His uneasiness made me feel almost more at ease. Made me feel as though i could be a bit more dangerous and make implications.  
  
I only did it to make him blush harder. And it worked. quiet laugh  
  
I actually hate to admit it because it sounds so textbook romance but...he made me feel as i should have as a teenager. Your first crush? I felt my heart begin to beat faster..and my breath quicken.  
  
The only time i felt anything close to this was ......with mojio.  
  
Why does this have to happen to me?  
  
The first one was married and a drunkard.  
  
And the second...the one i really fall for ..... is content with his life..and can barely look at me.  
  
This makes me wonder...if i never make it with Aoki san....that means ill never find "the one".  
  
I'll never have a family.......  
  
There will be no-one to mourn for me when i die.

AN: mwaha! done, wadja think? 


	3. The third quarter

AN: i much appreciate all your reviews people. Im just a bit burdened with exams so im a bit slow on posting chapters  
  
A big thanks to Zippy who is proof reading my stories-wooppee for Zippy!........that rhymes!  
  
--------After aoki is drugged--------  
  
As he lies there, his breathing shallow and i wondered what he would feel for me if i did not return. If my lack of existence would make any difference in his day-to-day life.  
  
Would he avenge my death?  
  
Or would it just mean another fallen kekkai.  
  
No. I wont let him think and feel for me in that way. I will finish this Angel and return unscathed.   
  
She brushed his hair aside as she kissed his brow recognising this would be as close as they would get.  
  
She left to battle Kigai Yuuto.  
  
---------  
  
FYI: As you all know, Karen fights Nataku instead of Yuuto.  
  
This is after she has successfully burned nataku.  
  
--------  
  
Why don't i want to die?  
  
This boy asks me WHY i dont want to die?  
  
Most people dont want to die because they want to protect those they love.......who do i love? They dont want their loved ones to mourn for them after their death.   
  
But..i..i wont have that anyway........  
  
His eyes....the cold blue losing their sparkle as he slowly feels whats left of his life slipping away.   
  
How can he not have that feeling? The feeling to hold on to life? His eyes put up no resistance as i can see further,into his heart and his soul. There is nothing. Well, nothing most humans can feel. A feeling of detachment. The sadness of not being able to feel, not being able to connect and not fitting in. Alone in this world, hoping to serve the duty he was made for and yet wishing he didnt have to go through with it. The wishing and hope that there was someone who could could take away his loneliness and grant him love. Someone he could share companionship with. There is no-one else like him. He is in such a situtaion that no one has felt...except....myself.......   
  
"Your eyes...they're like those of a lost boy."   
  
"Lost boy..."   
  
"That's right. Just like me."  
  
His eyes drifted closed and my link was severed.  
  
He was so alone...so cold...so young. Makes me feel as though maybe..maybe im lucky to be who i am. At least i have the ability to feel. The poor child is cursed to be born into a world of nothingness, no identity but the duty to destroy this Earth.  
  
"It's painful to not know what you are. A living thing does not exist without feeling. And you...have them too."   
  
--------  
  
She then begins to battle Yuuto:  
  
"How modest of you."  
  
She sends an attack at Yuuto and he melts and then she's enveloped in water. "I guess you weren't able to dodge this time. How pretty. It looks just like an underwater tower."   
  
-------------  
  
Karen was trapped inside the water tower and there was no way out. She felt the cold water enter her lungs and it had suddenly become hard to breathe. She could just see the blurred vision of Yuuto standing with his arms crossed gazing in wonder at his work.  
  
' Oh Lord. This is really it.. There's no way out now. I never got the chance to confess. I'm so Sorry Lord. This is the end and....please.....let Aoki san know....i will forever love him. Even if he doesnt return the feeling... i just...i just want him to know. So that i can move on into the next world..without any-----  
  
Karen feels the life drain out of her when she feels a blast of air rush by her.  
  
Suddenly the tower blows away. Aoki stands there weak but vehement. Karen jumps down. "Aoki!"   
  
He came for me. He saved me. I owe him everything and yet, he already has all of me. Oh Aoki san....is there really something you feel for me?  
  
--------------  
  
After Yuuto runs away.  
  
"Why would you do such a thing!? Your wife would be worried sick!" says Karen and she rips a piece from her dress and bandages the wound.   
  
"That is what I would say. Do you really believe...that no one would mourn if you died? I'm not good at getting upset but, if you think to go off by yourself and do that again...I will get very angry. Alright...Karen..." says Aoki and he falls again.   
  
"Aoki!?"   
  
"I just...have to...rest here a bit..."   
  
------------  
  
Aoki san......i know that this world could end soon and i will never see you again. Alternatively, Kamui will save us all and we will live on but...you will walk out of my life.  
  
Aoki san..i want to let you know...i love you. When i felt myself drowning in Yuuto's water tower, all i could think about was that i would never see you again, that you would never know how i felt. Even as you rest here, i know that we come from two different worlds, one of love and one of lust.   
  
But what i feel for you is something that can only be equalled by one thing. Unforutnately it is also the one thing that prevents me from telling you. It is the love you feel for your family. As you know,this feeling is true Aoki-san.   
  
When i die, i will see you with your loved ones and i will smile. I will feel glad that someone will feel the warm glow that is your love. Your wife and daughter...they are probably distraught now after you filed for that divorce; but Aoki-san they dont know how lucky they really are.   
  
Remember me Aoki-san. Remember me as the one who will return you to your family. I will not allow you to leave your family anddeprive them of your love any longer.   
  
Aoki-san.......  
  
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AN: Go oooooooooooon-review-yknow you want to :D 


	4. The final quarter

Disclaimer: Tis Clamp's and not mine ;;  
  
AN: This is the final chapter of Karen's story. I hope you enjoy it. If you guys have any ideas as to what fics i can do like this and for which character, review and tell me. I hope you like it  
  
I also want to thank all the people who have reviewed. Really makes me very very happy   
  
Back at the church  
  
-------------------.   
  
"One grain falls towards the earth and dies. Then from it, its roots grow to link with others." says Karen and she stands up. "I'm sorry Aoki. It seems that I won't be able to keep that promise."   
  
--------------------  
  
Feeling the burden of sacrifice weighing heavily on her chest, Karen entered the small wooden box that is the confession box. She sat down on the chair in the box, the seat worn from sinners begging for forgiveness. She peered through the wooden fretwork to see if she could glimpse the priest. She sensed movement and faced forward again.  
  
"Forgive me father for i have sinned"  
  
" Tell me child of your woes and strifes"  
  
"Father, i am not the woman i wished i was. I work for Flower. I am sure you know of what kind of women work there and what goes on there. I wish i didnt have to but.......since my mother died, the women of Flower were the only ones who would take me in. I was young, foolish and didnt know what to do. Alone in the world i took the first job i could get. Unfortunately, it was the job at Flower."  
  
She paused as her thoughts started running through her head. Images of the past raced through her mind. Finally the images slowed to Aoki's face.  
  
"....Would you like to continue?"  
  
"Father, i have fallen in love with a family man. Although he has a wife and a beautiful daughter, i think that maybe he feels something back for me. Whether it be romantically or only as a friend, i know he feels something. I know that i have lost myself to him"  
  
A smile teased at the corners of her mouth as she remembered their first meeting.  
  
"I have come to confess, for i feel that the time has come for me to depart from this life"  
  
Her voice began to shake but she remained still, calm and eyes dry.  
  
As she conjured a small fireball in her hand, she felt her face warm with the glow of the flames. Remembering her last meeting with her mother in the church reminded her. Reminded her of what she really was. The flames were not beautiful..they were a sign of her power.  
  
" .... i feel that i should confess further however .... i must be leaving.."  
  
Her feelings ambivolent, she walked out of the confession box.  
  
As she leapt across town, she held her crucifix tight in her hand as though holding on to her religion as she gave the ultimate sacrifice  
  
"Oh Lord...i may not be your perfect lamb, but please, accept me as one of your flock". She kissed her crucifix as she braced herself for the challenge ahead of her.  
  
Standing on the roof of the building, she sees Aoki plunge through the roof of the next building, wires wrapped around his body in a vice-like grip.  
  
"..It is time.."  
  
She watched the dragon of heaven lean over to speak to Aoki as she leapt towards him.  
  
Sending a fire ball at the beginnings of Yuuto's water attack, she stood fuming on the rooftop.  
  
"That wasn't the promise! I told you that the next time it would be me to challenge!" she raged.   
  
She heard her name called by a small shaking voice but before she could answer, Yuuto retorts:  
  
"I did say that, didn't I? Then I guess we'll change for a bit"  
  
"I'll kill you with one blow!" says Karen building another fire blast.   
  
She sends it at him, while he blocks with water blasts.   
  
Her fire and his water attack merged to form a giant cloud of steam. They were temporarily blinded and could not attack.  
  
She looked around her wondering from which direction he would come.   
  
Her heart racing as she gazed through the steam, she stood calm and alert in the midst of confusion.   
  
Then she heard his mocking words penetrate the mist and turned to see the person behind the voice.   
  
"This happened again. Well, when it's water against fire, I guess it can't be helped. But why are you so determined to fight? Oh, is it him? Could it be that you actually love Aoki? I can't say I approve...since he does have a wife and child"   
  
She flinched with disgust and hurt at his words. But she couldnt help but admit that he was right.  
  
"Oh, but he has filed for divorce, so I guess it works."   
  
Feeling her hatred towards Yuuto grow, her anger welled up inside her making her that much more powerful.   
  
_'With my powers i was meant to protect the ones whom i love. To protect people, i will become stronger. So that i can defend him'_  
  
She caught sight of Yuuto and grabbed her moment and jumped towards him.   
  
"That was not how I hoped it to be. Don't you know? When one grain falls towards the earth and dies, its roots will grow to link with others." They land on their feet.   
  
"What is that?" asks Yuuto. Provoked by his ignorance she created a fire tower, within which she trapped Yuuto.  
  
"A verse from the Book of Revelations." Karen said as she watched the flames flicker and lick around Yuuto's screaming body.  
  
"It means that one should sacrifice your own life for someone precious so that they may be able to love on in the world. That is what it means to protect the ones you care for!"  
  
As Yuuto burned away into nothing but a small pool of water, Karen begged for God's forgiveness once more before she ran towards where she last saw Aoki, hanging precariously from a few wires.  
  
Suddenly she felt someone grab her from behind and she realised that it was Yuuto, reformed for revenge.  
  
As the cold hard metal blade pressed into her neck, she found it difficult to swallow, afraid that the blade would slit her throat._ 'I dont want it to end this way'_ she thought  
  
"I didn't want to attack a woman from behind her back, but after being burned, I think I'll return the favor." said Yuuto.   
  
The water engulfed her once more and she realised that this was the way it would end...unless.  
  
There was one more thing she could do. If she couldn't save her own life, at least she would save Aoki's.  
  
She gripped her crucifix once more and blasts the water tower apart.  
  
For a time, everything went dark..seeing a small pinprick of light ahead of her she reached towards it.  
  
It did not flicker as flames did but shone bright, white and pure.  
  
Suddenly, she heard a voice calling her..  
  
She opened her eyes to see the soft concerned eyes of Aoki.  
  
"Aoki...are you...alright...?"   
  
"Yes. Thanks to you."   
  
"Thank goodness. A nice...father like you...can't die..."   
  
"And you're a wonderful woman!", he cried. His voice beginning to sound frantic and panicked.  
  
"Thank you...I'm...truly happy...to have...protected...you..."   
  
As she felt the warm skin of his face in her palm, she felt her need to live come to an end. She had done what she had wished for and protected Aoki. Her hands went limp and she died.   
  
Aoki holds her close. "Karen..."   
  
-----------------  
  
The cushions in the living room lay scattered in disarray. The apartment was still and quiet and alone on the table stood a small glass of wine.  
  
Only Paul sat in the midst of it all awaiting the end of the day.   
  
One candle was left burning, the flame dancing and tall. As the breeze lifted and crept through the open window, the candle went out.  
  
-----------------  
  
AN: What did you think? Was it a good ending? i tried as hard a i could   
  
Like i said at the beginning, if there are any character you would like me to do the same for, just review and tell me  
  
Thank you muchly. FOr all your reviews and Zippy's proof reading. MAjor happiness dances around room that she finally finished it. 


End file.
